Where Do I Begin?

I don't suppose I was ever a normal girl. Even growing up, there was something different about me.
I was always the one that wanted to be tied up in games of cops and robbers. I was never afraid of spankings and made it my mission in life to take care of everyone around me in whatever way they needed it. I have stood my ground against a host of abusers and broken free of my young addiction to self cutting. Am I comfortable with BDSM because I was abused? I don't think so. I enjoy feeling the physical punishments or rewards for good and bad behavior. I need consequences for my actions. I need someone I love to enforce them. I enjoy growing as a person and putting all of my trust in someone I love to help me be a better person. I also hope in so gifting Him with my submission, that He will grow and learn from me and feel honored to have such a devoted wife.

I started to realize as I grew into womanhood, that vanilla sex just didn't do anything for me. It seemed to me that I was choking on the sweetness of it.  I needed someone to throw me against the wall, pin my arms to my sides and show me a passion that burned us both from the inside out. I needed to be bound in order to be free of all of the daily burdens life and society had placed upon my shoulders. You see, I am very dominant in my daily life. I very much run my household, though Sir does have the final say in all things. In allowing myself to submit to Sir- my love, my husband, my soul mate- I am free of all burdens. I float away on the pleasure pain of his hands and paddle or crop or flogger. We have the best communication and honesty in our relationship than most couples I know.

I did not realize until well into my 20's what was going on with me.  Why couldn't I accept that every boy I dated saw me as so very fragile, and would treat me akin to a porcelain doll? I should enjoy being so gently handled, right?  NO. When I first met Sir, he to treated me with kid gloves.
Then, one night I remember well, he started rhythmically and lightly patting my bottom as he was going down on me.  I was startled at first and then amazed by the fact that I enjoyed it more the harder he spanked me. Though I was enjoying this foray into light BDSM, I felt awkward and guilty that I liked  even a small amount of pain during sex, so I stopped him and for the next several months tried to squelch any desire for it. I was unable to stop thinking and fantasizing about it and so He took things slow with me. First with light bondage, then His hands and a few toys, up to my now favorite red paddle, my first flogging and now to a beautiful leather tipped riding crop that doubles as a cane.

This is a journal of our journey into a marriage that blends the D/s power dynamic and the safe, sane and consensual fun of BDSM.