I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it seems Sir is not really interested in being Sir...not for a while now. We are coming close upon our vow renewal ceremony. Is it that stress that makes his dominant side hide and mine come to the forefront? I have asked if the fault is mine that our lifestyle and sex life has so waned and he says no. That he'll work on it, but I haven't seen any results. I haven't worn my collar in weeks, trying to show my heartache and disdain for the loss of my Sir. I feel out of control. Like I'm drifting around in chilly waters. Like my submissive side is laid to rest like Snow White in her glass coffin, awaiting her master's kiss. Perhaps it is just easier to be vanilla in a decidedly vanilla world. I know Sir can take on and off his dominant role like a jacket in summer, while it is much more challenging for me to shrug off my submissive heart. Usually it makes me rebel and do things I know deserve punishment...lately to no avail. Sir will still want me to do things for him and give me tasks to do for the day, but there are no repercussions if I do not do them, nor any release if I do those tasks exceptionally well.
There is only the every day normalcy of our lives. He goes to work and calls me on his break and when he's coming home for the day. I get up early, care for our sons and clean the house. We end the evening watching a show or a movie and that's it. It has been two lonely months that I have been playing peek-a-boo just to get a glimpse of the Sir in my husband. I'm surprised that it doesn't make me angry, as I usually get angry before I feel sorrow. It's my defense mechanism.
I love him as my husband and father to our children, but I despirately miss my Sir and the structure he gives and how he made a blooming flower out of me when he so chose.
Until next He calls for her, my submissive soul will be waiting...sleeping...longing in her glass coffin.
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