In My Glass Coffin...

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it seems Sir is not really interested in being Sir...not for a while now. We are coming close upon our vow renewal ceremony. Is it that stress that makes his dominant side hide and mine come to the forefront? I have asked if the fault is mine that our lifestyle and sex life has so waned and he says no. That he'll work on it, but I haven't seen any results. I haven't worn my collar in weeks, trying to show my heartache and disdain for the loss of my Sir. I feel out of control. Like I'm drifting around in chilly waters. Like my submissive side is laid to rest like Snow White in her glass coffin, awaiting her master's kiss. Perhaps it is just easier to be vanilla in a decidedly vanilla world. I know Sir can take on and off his dominant role like a jacket in summer, while it is much more challenging for me to shrug off my submissive heart. Usually it makes me rebel and do things I know deserve punishment...lately to no avail. Sir will still want me to do things for him and give me tasks to do for the day, but there are no repercussions if I do not do them, nor any release if I do those tasks exceptionally well.

There is only the every day normalcy of our lives. He goes to work and calls me on his break and when he's coming home for the day. I get up early, care for our sons and clean the house. We end the evening watching a show or a movie and that's it. It has been two lonely months that I have been playing peek-a-boo just to get a glimpse of the Sir in my husband. I'm surprised that it doesn't make me angry, as I usually get angry before I feel sorrow. It's my defense mechanism.

I love him as my husband and father to our children, but I despirately miss my Sir and the structure he gives and how he made a blooming flower out of me when he so chose.

Until next He calls for her, my submissive soul will be waiting...sleeping...longing in her glass coffin.

What is sexiest: Short or Long?

This is a debate that has been going on for so long between women and men alike. It most recently came up for discussion when I chopped my shoulder length hair into a cute, super short pixie. Do I miss my hair? Am I going to grow it back out? Do I feel less feminine...all the way to asking me if I'm a lesbian?(the last one I laughed at as I am very much in love with Sir and have four children, so No, not a lesbian)

The answer to all of these questions is NO.

Take a look at the picture above. There is absolutely no doubt about how feminine and drop dead sexy this woman is. The short locks open up her features and actually make her sexier! The pixie did the same for me(minus the mile long legs on the model...heh heh). From some of the men I talked to, most asked Sir if He missed grabbing hold of my longer hair, to which He replied: "Absolutely NOT." He always said it got in the way and that He hated having to brush my hair out of the way to see my face. I find this amusing and a little ironic as Sir has hair down past His shoulders and I love it on Him.

It just goes to show that it isn't the length of you hair that makes you sexy or determines your sexuality. It's who you are. Did I look good with long hair? Sure! Do I feel more confident and sexy now? Absolutely. It would be the reverse for Sir. He hated it when His hair was cropped short and it showed in His demeanor.

He's not a stereotypical dirty hippy and I'm not a man hating feminist.

I say, to each their own. If you like long hair keep your hair long and vice versa.

What is your take on this age old debate?

How I've Missed You, Sir

"I'm ready. Crawl across the bed to me, girl."

I do this to be greeted with a bruising kiss and a tug on my hair to pull me upright.

"I've missed you, Sir," I say with a shiver.

"Remove your clothes, get on your knees and put you hands against the wall. Do NOT move."

He asks me how many I think I deserve and I falter. It has been so long and I'm certain I've been  very bad. I tell Him this and I'm sure He is smiling when He sets the number at 47 and tells me to count aloud.

Sir alternates between hand, paddle and the leather cat 9, making sunbursts on my ass and thighs.

Around number 28, my hands slip along the wall and Sir growls in displeasure. He then swings the paddle harder than He ever has, making me gasp as a wave of fire consumes me.

Then, suddenly, it stops.

"Bend over, lay your face on the floor and put your ass in the air as high as you can."

I hear Him rustling with something and feel His fingers sliding inside of me, adding to my wetness. The familiar buss of the Hitachi Wand causes a blush, especially when I realize He bought an attachment for it.

My whole body is vibrating and as much as I love this feeling, what I'm really craving is my Sir's cock driving into me in some way. It makes it hard for me to come, so He removes the attachment and turns the wand up full blast. He uses his knee to press it hard against my clit, and uses his hands to pin mine down.

"Do you like it, bliss? Do you like it when I force you to accept pleasure? Do you want me to shatter your self control? I want you to come until you can't move, screaming my name. Knowing that I am the ONLY one who can do this to you and for you!"

And I cum then, struggling in his grasp as wave after wave of pleasure crashes over me. I feel His teeth on the back of my neck, His fingers sliding underneath the wand on my over-sensitive nub and then sliding in and out of me. I know His hand is slapping my already sore ass and that I am screaming....hovering in an orgasmic state that is more than pleasure, cumming so hard and so fast it hurts.

"Break, my love. Let me in," He growls into my ear. "Let your Master fill you up."

Before I know it, I have turned around and am vigorously suckling at my Master's cock. I don't remember the command. Only the intense desire to taste His seed and His skin. He tells me if I do well, I will be rewarded. I feel His legs start to shake and I know He is close.He throws me down and plunges into me. It is that moment that my whole being quakes and I see His strength nursing from my vulnerability. He is the snake coiling into the core of me. Beautiful and deadly. I am the womb cradling, and we are the Universe.

I don't know how long I lay against Him; Him cradling me and me cradling Him within. It seemed to me that I could see Sir behind closed lids, lovingly piecing me back together again. Hands once rough and torturous, now gentle. Voice gentle...a soothing balm.

Finally, I open my tired eyes and whisper,

"I love you, Sir."

Updates and haircuts

I've been a bad little blogger the past few weeks. The cold/flu that struck us all down like a strike in a bowling alley was a major factor. The second has been because of the lack of energy, work day make ups and battling our apartment maintenance about a water heater that lay dead for a week, we have had little time for intimacy, let alone a session.

I am hoping that Sir will have the energy for a session later in the week and can draw the submissive aspects of my nature back into the forefront. I tend to get very dominant in times of stress, especially when Sir is unwell. I definitely need to be put into my proper place *wink, wink; nudge, nudge* Rest assured I will tell you all about it when it finally happens.

On a happy note, I got sick and tired of my shoulder length hair and Sir, I'm sure, tired of hearing me whine about it. So, after a few years of Sir telling me that I would look beautiful with super short, pixie cut hair...I finally did just that! I'm amazed at how much it opens up my facial features, and instead of feeling boyish, it actually lends a very feminine appeal. I should have trusted Him earlier. Also, in caring for 2 small children, only having to spend 5-10 minutes on fixing my hair a day is AWESOME! Sir can't keep His hands off of it, smiling and blushing like a school boy.

I promise I will update soon. Hopefully a nice steamy entry. Wish me luck!

Anais Nin Quote and other musings

A quote that I relate well to when asked how so dominant a woman can call herself a submissive? One I should revisit in my distinctly non submissive moments.

So beautifully said. So artfully felt.

Soon. Soon Sir will make me purr under His careful hands and the graceful stinging rain of flogger and crop.

I know He longs to taste the salt tears of the release only these things...Only He... can give me.

And so we will wait until our bodies heal from weeks of illness.

But it will be soon....and in that knowledge, my heart dances.

Sick Ain't Sexy

FINALLY coming to the end of an evil cold that just wouldn't die. I sound like a 3 pack a day smoker with the hacking cough, but at least I can now breathe freely through my nose again.

I'd love to say that Sir is in tip top shape, but that would be a lie. About as soon as I edged towards feeling slightly better than Oh My God I'm Going To Die- Will I Ever Breathe Again, he caught the same thing that passed throughout this household like wildfire. Missing only our rather fortunate roommate.

What's funny is that when I am sick the whole house seems to fall apart. Sir most times, sees me as extremely capable in an almost Super Woman fashion and I appreciate that most of the time. However, He tends to ignore the fact that I am very vulnerable when sick and winds up not giving me what I really need at those times. As I have been ill for nearly 2 weeks, I finally had to sit him down a few days ago(after getting up with the kids at 7am, who had been crying most of the night because they didn't feel good either, still did laundry, cleaned the house AND made dinner) and tell him all I really needed was to be pampered for at least a day and to get some much needed rest sans children. He felt so bad about neglecting me that now that he is ill with the same thing and fully comprehends what I had to fight through to get out of bed, He won't let me pamper Him.

Frustrating as it is, I'm sitting back and not commenting on him watching all the movies he loves that I find annoying or rolling my eyes when he obsesses about guns and gun laws for now. In my own way, that is pampering Him.

Now, if we can ever get the rivers of ick to stop flowing from our noses, maybe we can get back to the slap and tickle I know we both are missing. It's been a long winter without the sting of crop, hand or flogger because of this and I resent it. Do you hear me nasty cold virus?! I resent you!

Sick Ain't Sexy!

Birthday Parties and Buried Treasure?

(Wish I knew who painted this as it looks suspiciously similar to me...hmmm.)

Life has been rather hectic lately. I have had my now four year old's birthday party to tend to. That was frustrating because zero family members showed up and my roommate's boss decided it would be fun to make him work extra late that evening. Either way, my little guy had a great time watching his favorite show, eating cupcakes and Alfredo pasta, opening gifts and being fussed over. I guess that is all that matters, right?

We got a notice to renew our lease, which could be good or bad. On the one hand, our vow renewal is 2 weeks after our lease is up and if we stay, I won't have the stress of moving on top of the stress of the renewal. On the other hand, if we move we will have an extra room for the boys to sleep in and a room to ourselves. I will roll with it either way it plays out.

As for our vow renewal, we still have to get the rest of the decor together, finish Sir's outfit and the children's outfits, get the decorations into a safe space, reserve chairs and get all of the music together on a permanent play list. Not to mention pricing out food! Sound like a lot? It is. Though it will be worth it in the end. At least I finally got my Mother to confirm that she will be there with my two oldest children, so that I can have all of my children there to share a happy day with me.(My mother took custody of my 2 oldest unfairly 4 years ago. We've been engaged in a battle ever since. Long, heartbreaking story, but at least we manage to be civil and I can still visit with my babies. This is why some think I only have 2 children, instead of 4: 3 sons and 1 daughter.)

Sir and I have been working on my emotional aversions to backdoor loving. I managed to allow Him entry, but couldn't allow Him to actually finish that way. He was very loving about it, as He is trying to change the mental association with anal sex as one of love and not violence. It was my fault for not using my safe word sooner. I still dissolved into a puddle of shivering tears when it was over. Sir just held me tightly to Him, murmuring that He loves me and would never hurt me and that He has faith that I will be able to push past this. I know eventually, I will be okay with it. I may never get pleasure out of it physically, but I will get pleasure out of pleasing Sir. Maybe someday I will see it simply as another way to love Him. 

In the meantime, He had me pick out a plug that I found aesthetically pleasing to wear every so often during sex. I picked a stainless steel one that has a large green jewel at the flare so that even if I couldn't bring myself to allow anal sex, He would at least have something pretty to look at. Kind of like hunting for treasure*chuckles*.

For now, with the unusually cool weather we've been experiencing here today, I'm going to gather up my little ones under a blanket and veg out in front of the T.V.. I think we deserve a lazy day!