Updates and haircuts

I've been a bad little blogger the past few weeks. The cold/flu that struck us all down like a strike in a bowling alley was a major factor. The second has been because of the lack of energy, work day make ups and battling our apartment maintenance about a water heater that lay dead for a week, we have had little time for intimacy, let alone a session.

I am hoping that Sir will have the energy for a session later in the week and can draw the submissive aspects of my nature back into the forefront. I tend to get very dominant in times of stress, especially when Sir is unwell. I definitely need to be put into my proper place *wink, wink; nudge, nudge* Rest assured I will tell you all about it when it finally happens.

On a happy note, I got sick and tired of my shoulder length hair and Sir, I'm sure, tired of hearing me whine about it. So, after a few years of Sir telling me that I would look beautiful with super short, pixie cut hair...I finally did just that! I'm amazed at how much it opens up my facial features, and instead of feeling boyish, it actually lends a very feminine appeal. I should have trusted Him earlier. Also, in caring for 2 small children, only having to spend 5-10 minutes on fixing my hair a day is AWESOME! Sir can't keep His hands off of it, smiling and blushing like a school boy.

I promise I will update soon. Hopefully a nice steamy entry. Wish me luck!

Anais Nin Quote and other musings

A quote that I relate well to when asked how so dominant a woman can call herself a submissive? One I should revisit in my distinctly non submissive moments.

So beautifully said. So artfully felt.

Soon. Soon Sir will make me purr under His careful hands and the graceful stinging rain of flogger and crop.

I know He longs to taste the salt tears of the release only these things...Only He... can give me.

And so we will wait until our bodies heal from weeks of illness.

But it will be soon....and in that knowledge, my heart dances.

Sick Ain't Sexy

FINALLY coming to the end of an evil cold that just wouldn't die. I sound like a 3 pack a day smoker with the hacking cough, but at least I can now breathe freely through my nose again.

I'd love to say that Sir is in tip top shape, but that would be a lie. About as soon as I edged towards feeling slightly better than Oh My God I'm Going To Die- Will I Ever Breathe Again, he caught the same thing that passed throughout this household like wildfire. Missing only our rather fortunate roommate.

What's funny is that when I am sick the whole house seems to fall apart. Sir most times, sees me as extremely capable in an almost Super Woman fashion and I appreciate that most of the time. However, He tends to ignore the fact that I am very vulnerable when sick and winds up not giving me what I really need at those times. As I have been ill for nearly 2 weeks, I finally had to sit him down a few days ago(after getting up with the kids at 7am, who had been crying most of the night because they didn't feel good either, still did laundry, cleaned the house AND made dinner) and tell him all I really needed was to be pampered for at least a day and to get some much needed rest sans children. He felt so bad about neglecting me that now that he is ill with the same thing and fully comprehends what I had to fight through to get out of bed, He won't let me pamper Him.

Frustrating as it is, I'm sitting back and not commenting on him watching all the movies he loves that I find annoying or rolling my eyes when he obsesses about guns and gun laws for now. In my own way, that is pampering Him.

Now, if we can ever get the rivers of ick to stop flowing from our noses, maybe we can get back to the slap and tickle I know we both are missing. It's been a long winter without the sting of crop, hand or flogger because of this and I resent it. Do you hear me nasty cold virus?! I resent you!

Sick Ain't Sexy!

Birthday Parties and Buried Treasure?

(Wish I knew who painted this as it looks suspiciously similar to me...hmmm.)

Life has been rather hectic lately. I have had my now four year old's birthday party to tend to. That was frustrating because zero family members showed up and my roommate's boss decided it would be fun to make him work extra late that evening. Either way, my little guy had a great time watching his favorite show, eating cupcakes and Alfredo pasta, opening gifts and being fussed over. I guess that is all that matters, right?

We got a notice to renew our lease, which could be good or bad. On the one hand, our vow renewal is 2 weeks after our lease is up and if we stay, I won't have the stress of moving on top of the stress of the renewal. On the other hand, if we move we will have an extra room for the boys to sleep in and a room to ourselves. I will roll with it either way it plays out.

As for our vow renewal, we still have to get the rest of the decor together, finish Sir's outfit and the children's outfits, get the decorations into a safe space, reserve chairs and get all of the music together on a permanent play list. Not to mention pricing out food! Sound like a lot? It is. Though it will be worth it in the end. At least I finally got my Mother to confirm that she will be there with my two oldest children, so that I can have all of my children there to share a happy day with me.(My mother took custody of my 2 oldest unfairly 4 years ago. We've been engaged in a battle ever since. Long, heartbreaking story, but at least we manage to be civil and I can still visit with my babies. This is why some think I only have 2 children, instead of 4: 3 sons and 1 daughter.)

Sir and I have been working on my emotional aversions to backdoor loving. I managed to allow Him entry, but couldn't allow Him to actually finish that way. He was very loving about it, as He is trying to change the mental association with anal sex as one of love and not violence. It was my fault for not using my safe word sooner. I still dissolved into a puddle of shivering tears when it was over. Sir just held me tightly to Him, murmuring that He loves me and would never hurt me and that He has faith that I will be able to push past this. I know eventually, I will be okay with it. I may never get pleasure out of it physically, but I will get pleasure out of pleasing Sir. Maybe someday I will see it simply as another way to love Him. 

In the meantime, He had me pick out a plug that I found aesthetically pleasing to wear every so often during sex. I picked a stainless steel one that has a large green jewel at the flare so that even if I couldn't bring myself to allow anal sex, He would at least have something pretty to look at. Kind of like hunting for treasure*chuckles*.

For now, with the unusually cool weather we've been experiencing here today, I'm going to gather up my little ones under a blanket and veg out in front of the T.V.. I think we deserve a lazy day!

The World On My Shoulders

I know this is a blog about BDSM and how it incorporates into our daily life, but i have had to much stress piling on my shoulders this week to get into the sexy stuff. I have to find a new doctor for the kids to get their check ups because the one we had them seeing didn't bother to look at their medical records, to see that my boys are allergic to components used to preserve vaccines and that is why I don't allow them. And, no, my insurance doesn't cover ordering special shots. I also have to get the remainder of the decorations and food on order for our wedding vow renewal celebration, get my almost four year old's birthday party under way for next week, enroll him in speech therapy after I find a decent pediatrician and try not to go nuts in the process.

Sir and I have only had one session in 3 weeks and that is grating on me as well. I took a long walk alone last night,sans my collar...wanting to be completely alone. I thought about all of the stress and my craving for the hot crop against my skin. The masochist in me wants so much more. My fragile heart needs to be caressed and guided into peace. I know my Sir is only human and he does forget that no matter how tough my exterior is, I do get hurt deeply very easily. Last night was one of those times. I got ready, did hair and makeup and was getting ready to get into the chosen out fit for scene, when suddenly Sir said he was nixing tonight. He just wasn't feeling it. I know it sounds trite that my feelings were hurt, but I felt like my time was wasted and I was being rejected...one of the hardest things for this little submissive to deal with.

So, I took a breath, took off my collar and went for a walk. I wound up sitting by the man made lake in our apartment complex watching the happy little otter that resides there swim joyfully along until I felt better.

Sir, noticing that I've been feeling out of sorts the past few weeks and that he's been acting a bit to aloof with me lately, wrote me a short note and sent me a song explaining how much he loved and appreciated me. I spoke with Him this morning and he explained that during sessions He wants to give me His all and when He doesn't feel that He can do that he would rather call it off for the night than give me a half assed attempt. Half assed attempts at connection are so much less than I deserve. I said that I seem to write so much better than I can express vocally what I need and sometimes I feel that He can slip His Dominant role on and off as easily as a pair of shoes...but I can't do that. Since we embarked upon this lifestyle last year and my submissiveness was awakened, I cannot fold it neatly away whenever I want to.  I have never felt more naked than when I removed my collar. I realized that I am more Me with it, than without it and appreciate that Sir took the time to explain to me that he doesn't want to do anything half way with me, and will work on his occasional ambivalence as I work on not being so sensitive about silly things.

These are just the bumps in the road of our daily life. Thanks for reading my ramblings and I promise, sometime soon, I will get back to the sexy stuff*wink*.

Until then...xoxo Bliss

Predicaments?

I find myself being a little obstinate with Sir lately. I know my role as a submissive is to roll with his choices of what, when and where he wants to do things, but for a few weeks now it really has been all about him...with very little playtime or sex. I understand everyone getting over the horrible stomach bug that flew around my house last week. I understand His excitement over the purchase and use of his new firearm. But, sometimes, maybe selfishly, I want that excitement and hunger to be directed at me. Maybe it's because I don't feel new anymore. Perhaps I need my boundaries pushed further and for Him not to be so lax in my discipline?

Sir has said that since we've missed our last 2 planned sessions, we will be switching to tonight for playtime. So, maybe my worry and aggravation is for naught. Still, it is better for me to voice my concerns with him than to remain silent and let them fester into resentments. Maybe I need to look within as well and find out why I'm having a harder time letting go of control lately and meditate on being a gentle stream instead of a turbulent sea?

On brighter notes, my permanent day collar came in and it is perfect! I also managed to make everyone smile on Valentine's Day with various creative gifts including a bacon rose bouquet and a heart shaped meatloaf.

Our wedding vow renewal is just around the corner now and I'm getting that butterfly in the stomach feeling hoping everything goes off with few problems.

Wish us luck. Wish us love. Wish us hot sex and the marks to prove it.

Until next time...xoxo Bliss

Illness, Guns and Valentine's

This week has been fraught with a nasty, nasty stomach bug that made it all the way around to everyone in the house, less my 4 year old, with poor Sir being the last to fall. Needless to say, it hasn't been a sexy week. Instead of our usual Wednesday antics, we will be spending today curled around each other recovering from sore stomachs, fevers and headaches.

There were, between our household members dropping like flies, some fun times. Sir got his tax return in and we wound up purchasing some firearms for shooting at the range and home protection. Sir got one that looks like the gun Rick uses in The Walking Dead, called a Taurus Tracker Revolver and I have for myself a little PT22 that despite it's small size can still pack a punch if I ever need it to. It is rare that I blow a lot of money on a purchase, but when the 22 was placed into my palm it felt like it belonged there. I know I sound like a bonafide gun nut, but I'm really not. I do, however know how to shoot and enjoy a weapon that fits my small hands exceptionally well. The pistol is considerably easier than throwing a knife and much more effective as well(my father is a knife maker and taught me how to throw them...little known fact...lol).

So, I'm guessing this could be seen as our "Valentine" gifts to one another, if we celebrated that manufactured holiday. It was Sir's way of ensuring our children's and my protection even when he cannot be here. What could be more loving than that*chuckles*?

Or, if you wanted to see things more conventionally(who are we kidding here?), my Valentine gift would not be the gun, but my beautiful collar that should be on its way today:

Either way I am excited and I know things will be mighty interesting  when Sir and I have fully made our way back from Stomach Flu Purgatory.

Until then...xoxo Bliss