Unsure

I know it has been long and long since I have really written anything here. There has been quite a bit going on. Some good, some bad. We moved into a new place with more rooms, so Sir and I finally have a room of our own sans children. The change in Sir has been...unsatisfying. With the move, the toilet training of my son, homeschooling and all of the transitions going on at present, I have been forced to play a predominantly Dominant role. It's not something I'm pleased with, but something I have to deal with. I miss my submissive side and I truely miss my Dominant man. Such is the ebb and flow of any relationship where trust is gained and lost and regained. For now, I'm trying to focus in finding at home work, so that I can be here to home school my children and strike a new balance. Wish me luck. Wish me love. Wish me MONEY*chuckles*


Also, as I am a homeschooling Mom, if your child is having trouble, this is a great book to help your children learn to read: 1CHILDREAD

Love to all and sexy days and nights,

Bliss xoxo

Annoyingly Vanilla

Such a long absence from blogging and honestly, not much to report. We are still struggling to purchase a house and get out of Our falling apart apartment, Sir is still working 2 jobs and the children are growing up quickly. Our kink has taken a back seat for many months now. I have not felt the sweet sting of the crop across my back side in so long...Nor the commanding tone of voice that sends shivers straight to my sexual center. The voice and hands that steady me when I am drifting and lost.
It is mainly stress that's doing it, I think...but I tire of taking on the dominant role so much. There are times when I want to put my hand around Sir's throat and scream at Him to Dom up already! But, I don't. I just hand Him His supper and rub His shoulders and hope He remembers that this little sub/ masochist has needs it is up to Him to fill if our relationship is to deepen and grow. I love Him and I will serve Him no matter what, but I can't stop these selfish thoughts (you know the ones)...The what about me? thoughts. How do I get around them and express my deep need to have my submission fully awakened again without being rude or presumptuous? How do I take my love from being the tired husband, to my smoothly confident Sir?
Any advice would be great. I miss Him so much and I'm sure, deep down, He misses me to...His bliss, His little doll, His lolita.

The Birthday And A Few Days Without The Roommate

Last week I turned another turn on the wheel of life...32. For whatever reason the day was filled with food! I ate more in one day than I normally eat in a week. This was due to a surprise visit from my mother in law which ended with a trip out to Golden Corral and the gift of a two pound box of chocolates chuckles.

Later on, our roommate took me out for  a Thai dinner and a pumpkin latte at my favorite coffee shop. The evening ended with Sir scooping up some fresh sushi with which He drew lines on my body with and followed the trail with His mouth, a long session with the Magic Wand, the obligatory birthday spanking smiles and a long soak in a hot bath followed by a lovely pumpkin cheesecake that melted in our mouths.

Our roommate is house sitting for a family member for a few days and Sir has taken full advantage of our time alone.

Last night He had me make two cigarettes(we smoke on the porch), but stopped me before we could go outside with them. He quickly removed my shirt and told me that if I wanted to smoke, I would have to do so topless. Even though it was later in the evening, I still felt a bit of trepidation, but acquiesced. The entire time He playfully brushed and tweaked my nipples, whispering between long drags off of His cigarette that the entire apartment complex could see my lovely breasts. That our neighbor across the way was probably wondering what those little rose buds tasted like . Telling me that  he was watching  and jerking it to the sway of my breasts each time he tweaked them or squeezed. He asked me if I felt exposed. I did, though I know no one can really see me behind the porch blinds. It was a beautiful mind fuck.

After we finished our cigarettes, He  told me to strip down and please His Cock until He told me to stop no cumming.  He said He would then cum all over my face and then force me to orgasm with His hands and the Wand until I screamed for Him to Stop.  I relished the silky smoothness of His cock and the salty taste of his seed. When He came He chuckled and smeared His cum across my lips and my closed eyes...effectively creating a sticky layer across my lids in a blindfold made of  His cum. It didn't take me long to succumb to the vibrations of the Hitachi ...but He kept it in place and buried His fingers deep inside of me. The double stimulation pushed me over the edge. I came again so hard it hurt, soaking Him as much as He had soaked me. I am close to cumming again just thinking about it. The salty cum smearing my face...sealing my eyes...His aggressive fingers scratching the inside of my pussy while torturing my clit with the wand....Yummy.

This morning I saw clothes pins and twine laid out upon the bathroom sink. I'm sure Sir put it there so I would see it. I wonder now how He will place the pins and if He will pull the string of the zipper as I cum? It is a delicious thought.

When the roommate is away, the cats will play!

I can't wait to see what Sir comes up with next.

The Really Real World

I've been cruising through some groups on FB and have found a considerable number of "perfect" subs and "perfect" D/s relationships. How pleasant it must be to have not ever have had to work to get your dynamic and relationship the way you want it and need it to be! Seriously, several uppity subs ganged up on a gentleman who asked how to help his submissive overcome some bad habits caused by years of mental abuse by a family member. Their Dominants stood by and instead of reprimanding their subs for speaking so callously to another Dominant seeking help, forced this Dominant to apologize for offending the very submissives that first insulted both him and his submissive. Calling him an abuser...a fake Dom...etc...All for expressing concern, asking for help and expressing his frustration at being confused as to what to do.

I see this quite often and it aggravates me no end. imagining clothes pinning their tongues to their cheeks

Not one relationship is perfect!  BDSM and D/s dynamics are not cure alls. You cannot blame your Dominant for not being able to fix you. When going into any relationship, you must first know and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to know you and accept you for who you are.

Sir and I have worked incredibly hard to make our marriage, our relationship, our D/s dynamic, work lives and family life all tie in. It still isn't seamless. Yes, I submit to Him. Yes, I allow Him to do all manor of things to me and I enjoy all of them. Does this mean He doesn't annoy me sometimes see sleeping in until well after noon and not changing diapers,  or that I do not annoy Him sometimes see being grumpy every morning and being overly emotional at the smallest things? Of course not! We are ever working on our relationship. We will always be working on it. It's what makes Us, Us. Our beautiful imperfection.

He still does not put forth as much Dominance as I would like Him to, but He is working on it. Between His two part time jobs and trying to balance our lifestyle with the raising of children, I can understand sometimes why He holds back a little. I'm also working on controlling my emotional outbursts and am trying to be more outgoing so that I can find some new friends. Mine have become flaky and unreliable.

Perhaps it is the birthday coming about in the next few days that is making me so emotionally wrecked?  I'm not sure. I do know that I hate the fact that I am growing older. I honestly thought I would never make it past my mid twenties. Well, here I am, sitting on the precipice of 32. Growing older does not make me think of the wisdom that comes with age. It makes me think that I now have allergies to foods I once loved...that I can no longer do the acrobatics I used to do(I was a dancer) and that now I hear my joints cracks every morning. It makes me think of my children growing older and as proud as I will be when they are men (and my one little lady) and have families of their own, it makes me want to stop time and hold them in my arms forever.  

Wow! This post took a considerable down turn didn't it?

One last complaint before I upswing again *chuckles*. I love my short hair for the ease of it, but am really starting to miss the diversity of styles I could do with even my usual angled bob hairstyle I wore for many years. The problem?  Sir loves the short pixie cut on me. I have no idea how to work around that.

All in all, things are going well with us. Life has come to the fore front with work and seeking out a new home and friends. I know it will all even out in the end and perhaps a fresh start in a new place will do all of us wonders! Until then, I will be plodding along, serving my Sir,being a housewife and a Mom.

Love to all!

A Near Miss

I am back. I am here. I am alive. 

Those words are important.

A few short weeks ago I was struck by an extraordinary pain running all along the lower left side of my jaw(which swelled to about the size of a ping pong ball), behind my ear, into my temple. A pain so all consuming it literally knocked me on my ass. I have had infections in a tooth before, but never to the extent of the one that plagued me. I curled into a ball, weeping and retching from that searing pain I could not hide from, while Sir rubbed my back and stood helplessly by. 3 days of no sleep, endless popping of Ibuprofen pills and salt water rinses passed in a blur of RED.  Finally, He ordered me to go to the dentist, no matter the cost, or heeding of my fear of dentists.

Once there, I found the dentist quite pleasant and calm. He went through my tooth xrays and gently told me that he must extract the tooth immediately as the infection was deep into my tooth, in a pocket under the tooth, spreading throughout my jaw bone and was quickly moving precariously close to my blood stream. I asked him what that meant if I waited to have him extract it? He said if I went another week and a half with no treatment, in no uncertain terms, I would be dead. Plain and simple. DEAD. The infection would go into my blood stream to my heart and I would die. So, he set about numbing the entire left side of my face(it took 3 shots of numbers), yanked out the offending tooth in two parts, shaved down a portion of my jaw bone and sent me on my way. Prescriptions for a heavy regime of antibiotics and painkillers in hand and a mouth full of blood and gauze.

Needless to say, there has been little time between healing and getting my home and life back on track for scenes. Though, Sir did sneak in one of the most loving love making sessions we have ever had.

It was about a week after the extraction and Sir orders me to run a warm bath for us. He slides into the tub behind me and proceeds to wash my hair...every single strand delicately cleaned under His expert fingers. He soaps the front of my body just as meticulously and uses the residual soap on His chest to slide against my back slowly, and deliberately. He asks me for nothing. Though His touch cries of His tentative need. He whispers in my ear of how much He loves me. That He will always love me. He tells me He is memorizing every detail of my flesh...smelling every scent...taking His fill of me. Never wanting to be parted. I have never felt more loved...more cared for in all of my life. He breathed the life back into my weary body. In the moment He took His precious body for His pleasure, I felt His love...His aching need for me...His fear that He had almost lost me. I was putty in His hands. Molding myself tightly to His frame and sewing myself neatly into His heart. That is where I belong. Sir and our children are what I live and breath for.

In His arms I am whole. In my arms, our children are whole. Without me, His arms are...EMPTY.

I vowed to look after my health better. I never want to see that look of bewilderment and fear cross Sir's face ever again. He looked so lost.

Never again.

Never again.

Taking Our Time And What Has Been Up In O/our World To Date

Collar made by DerAlbinoArffe on Etsy

Hello to those that still read my musings! I am still here. I simply took some time off of blogging to work out the "kinks" so to speak with Sir, who is still a relatively new Dom who needed to seek out and obtain some advice from more experienced Masters. All is well here. 

At the risk of being deemed one with a Velcro collar, W/we took some time and found a seller of beautiful leather collars that could and did make me a collar that would not cause skin reactions. Those allergies are what has caused me to frequently change collars, as the one Sir first gave me(which I still love in spite of the reaction) wound up giving me an unsightly rash. The above is the simple, yet sturdy collar that now adorns my neck. I love the way it feels. there is such a difference between metal and leather. It feels, to me with the leather, that I always have Sir's hand in a protective gesture around my throat. A feeling I find very comforting...So much so, in fact, that I am loathe to remove it when I am sent to bed.

W/we will be purchasing one of Lady Mockingbird's collars in the near future Yay tax refund! as my final and permanent collar.

Speaking of that lovely little government refund, Sir is also deciding if He wants to get a tattoo sleeve done of all of his favorite horror movies and if He will allow me to finally get the chest piece I have been designing for over a year.  My tiny net book finally got the boot, as the screen was cracked, and Sir went to Rent A Center on a whim to procure me a new one. I am now happily typing on a Sony Vaios laptop. I just had to throw that little tidbit in there. I bounced around joyfully when He came in with it and have been trying to learn every nuance of the Windows 8 operating system ever since.

Things here have slowly been moving into the dynamic that W/we both crave. I now have rules and boundaries set into place. 

Such as: I may not eat until Sir has taken the first bite of His food. When out, I may not order or speak to the wait staff unless it is to say thank you with my eyes lowered. When Sir returns home from work I am to greet Him at the door with a Red Bull(or Rum and Coke if it's Friday) and a fresh cigarette with my head bowed until He kisses the top of my head.

He is still working on some ways to punish me more immediately than once a week for my transgressions(Punishments, not Funishments ;) ). I know on the more severe end will be being forced to sleep on the floor with a thin blanket instead of in bed with Him. On the lighter end will be devil's hot sauce on the tongue if I am mouthy, corner time or taking away my favorite show on TV(Grey's Anatomy, in case you wondered). I am enjoying the structure of it all and how close Sir and I have become on this journey. I know there is still so much to explore and ever still many ways He will surprise me.

Speaking of being surprised, Sir informed me that he brought us out of the kinky closet so to speak, to His mother. Apparently she took it well. He only gave her the bare bones of it all, but she listened quietly and seemed to be taking mental notes. So far only her and a select few friends know of our dynamic. W/we are very discreet. Still, it is nice to know at least one family member either made no, or kept her judgements to herself. I know this post is a bit disjointed. I promise I will be writing again soon, with better formed thoughts and maybe a recount of a sexy scene or two.

Until then,

xoxo bliss- his little lolita<3

The Knife That Cuts And Heals- A Fantasy

My arms are above my head encased in fur lined cuffs. I can hear the chains rattle when I shift, but see only the darkness of the mask covering my eyes. It is warm in the room and I smell burning wax and wonder how it would feel slowly drizzled across my skin.

Your breath on the back of my neck, hot and wet shakes me from my reverie.

"Spread your legs" You say. And I do as I'm told.

I hear Him shift and there is heat just below my cunt between my outstretched legs.

"What you feel," You say as You move from one ear to the other to disorient me, "Is the slow burn of a high tapered, lit candle. Should you sweat, cum or bleed you will hear it sizzle. If any of these are done without my permission, I will let the flame lick your skin. Do you understand?"

"Yes Sir."

For a moment, I think He has left me alone to contemplate how this punishment will play out, until I feel His cool hand snap freezing cold clamps upon my nipples.

"Cold above, hot below," He chuckles, giving my ass a sharp swat.

I enjoy the extremes of both and He knows it.

He bends down and lightly flicks at my clitoris with His tongue as He slides His middle finger inside of me in an almost clinical manner. Not to arouse(though it does), but to check, for what I am not certain, but He gives a grunt of approval none the less.

I am already wet with desire and trying hard not to drip onto the candle.

"I am going to be hard on you tonight, my beautiful whore. It has been far to long since I have tested you. You may not cry out. You may not cum until I tell you that it is My will for you to do so."

I feel the sharp bite of the small leather flogger . The sting is Heaven and I lean into the pain. Harder he swings, changing from flogger to crop and finally to belt and I know my back, legs and ass are red as crimson and likely bruised. I don't mind. I relish the pain. I take it into me as the fiery symbol of His passion for me.

He switches my restraints to the spreader bars and lays me on a table angled down. The candle is still beneath my pussy, waiting to punish me.

I feel something hard and sleek pushing it's way past my moistened nether lips and fight back a gasp.

"I am going to slice open your flesh and sink myself into you. I want your blood on my cock and on my tongue. I want to tear you apart! Kiss the knife with your pussy. Perhaps, the blade will be kind and only scratch instead."

He shoves the hilt of the knife deep into my cunt and I feel myself contract around it. I am shivering in anticipation and close to orgasm and I feel some of the wetness drip down my leg and sizzle into the candle flame and I freeze. I can feel His Sadistic little grin twist His mouth and know I will be punished.

He shoves the knife deeper into my cunt and tells me to hold it there until He retrieves it. I feel the warmth move closer to my inner thigh. I can smell the fine hair burning and squirm under the intense little flame. He laughs, low and deep as He traces the trail of moisture up and up and up, only to switch to the other thigh, repeating the trail just shy of my clit and I realise He is heating the blade every time He passes!

Finally, He holds the candle flame directly underneath my clit, causing a small whimper of fear and pain to escape my lips. He holds it there for what seems like an hour, but it is likely only a few seconds, swoops it upwards until the moisture on my pussy touches the flame and puts it out...leaving hot wax coating me in it's wake. I do not drop the knife.

"Good girl. You took your punishment well."

He removes the knife from my throbbing hole and runs the heated blade down my chest. I shiver and my sore, burned thighs tingle. He runs it back up and lays the blade flat against my right nipple, hard and swollen in the cold clamp and sinks his teeth into my shoulder. I feel the skin break and my spirit beginning to slip from the puncture wounds.

"No. Not yet. I want you here with me. I want you to feel this. I want you to trust this pain. I want to remind you that your skin, bones, blood and soul belong to me. I will eat you raw and you will enjoy it because you are mine!" 

His voice is a disembodied growl.

The blade sinks into my breast, just above the nipple and He drags it slowly. I can feel the blood well up from the wound and I grit my teeth.

"Give in to the pain, love. Let it become your bliss, as you are My bliss."

He locks his mouth over the fresh wound, suckling like a newborn as he makes another, slightly deeper cut into my lower abdomen. The blood begins to trickle down and He runs His finger between the folds of open skin, as though His finger were swirling within my depths, urging me to orgasm. The pain is exquisite. Beautiful and intensely erotic.

He nicks into my inner thighs, using the trickles of blood as lubricant for my clit. I am teetering on the edge of a powerful orgasm as He tosses the blade aside and slices into me with His cock, hot and sharp. Tearing at my soul and claiming it violently.

"Cum with me. Let my seed heal all wounds. Give yourself to me!"

We explode together. The universe sees only one being, no longer two. I am Him. He is me.

Everything is peace.

I am broken and healed all at once as my body cries blood tears into His mouth...onto His prick...gifting His eyes with the savage beauty of it all.

He is my breaker and my healer.

I am Him. He is me.

Now I understand.