A Near Miss

I am back. I am here. I am alive. 

Those words are important.

A few short weeks ago I was struck by an extraordinary pain running all along the lower left side of my jaw(which swelled to about the size of a ping pong ball), behind my ear, into my temple. A pain so all consuming it literally knocked me on my ass. I have had infections in a tooth before, but never to the extent of the one that plagued me. I curled into a ball, weeping and retching from that searing pain I could not hide from, while Sir rubbed my back and stood helplessly by. 3 days of no sleep, endless popping of Ibuprofen pills and salt water rinses passed in a blur of RED.  Finally, He ordered me to go to the dentist, no matter the cost, or heeding of my fear of dentists.

Once there, I found the dentist quite pleasant and calm. He went through my tooth xrays and gently told me that he must extract the tooth immediately as the infection was deep into my tooth, in a pocket under the tooth, spreading throughout my jaw bone and was quickly moving precariously close to my blood stream. I asked him what that meant if I waited to have him extract it? He said if I went another week and a half with no treatment, in no uncertain terms, I would be dead. Plain and simple. DEAD. The infection would go into my blood stream to my heart and I would die. So, he set about numbing the entire left side of my face(it took 3 shots of numbers), yanked out the offending tooth in two parts, shaved down a portion of my jaw bone and sent me on my way. Prescriptions for a heavy regime of antibiotics and painkillers in hand and a mouth full of blood and gauze.

Needless to say, there has been little time between healing and getting my home and life back on track for scenes. Though, Sir did sneak in one of the most loving love making sessions we have ever had.

It was about a week after the extraction and Sir orders me to run a warm bath for us. He slides into the tub behind me and proceeds to wash my hair...every single strand delicately cleaned under His expert fingers. He soaps the front of my body just as meticulously and uses the residual soap on His chest to slide against my back slowly, and deliberately. He asks me for nothing. Though His touch cries of His tentative need. He whispers in my ear of how much He loves me. That He will always love me. He tells me He is memorizing every detail of my flesh...smelling every scent...taking His fill of me. Never wanting to be parted. I have never felt more loved...more cared for in all of my life. He breathed the life back into my weary body. In the moment He took His precious body for His pleasure, I felt His love...His aching need for me...His fear that He had almost lost me. I was putty in His hands. Molding myself tightly to His frame and sewing myself neatly into His heart. That is where I belong. Sir and our children are what I live and breath for.

In His arms I am whole. In my arms, our children are whole. Without me, His arms are...EMPTY.

I vowed to look after my health better. I never want to see that look of bewilderment and fear cross Sir's face ever again. He looked so lost.

Never again.

Never again.