We recently had our first hard session with the new crop. During the session I was fine. The intensity of the crop's sting brought me into a different space than I am used to. It was a much harder energy pull between us than it is usually, which consequently brought me to a mind blowing orgasm. Usually, I come out of a session tired but relaxed and in need of some gentle cuddle time. I think this last session was my first real experience with sub drop. Afterwards I found myself exhausted, but instead of cuddling with Sir, I desperately wanted to be alone. The sense of exhaustion lasted several days along with an awkwardness within that left me questioning myself and my enjoyment of BDSM. I struggled with thoughts that I was pretty twisted to become aroused when I was in pain...and was I really as strong of a person as I thought if I could allow my significant other...my beloved Sir to have such control over me?
This did subside further into the week, as Sir decided we needed some fun outside of playtime to open up a bit and to help me out of my funk. Naturally *chuckles*, this involved some funny movies and a healthy amount of alcohol. We joked about our activities; About how absurdly fulfilling it is and about how as individuals and as a couple we have never fit into a "normal" mold, so why should we start trying now? We talked about each others fantasies and how we could bring those to fruition. We talked about how far we wanted to go in terms of the power dynamic of a D/s relationship and about the advice and progress on my research into healing my psychological block against anal sex. It was an easy night and fun to watch each other open up more and more of themselves. Him with his natural Dominant nature fighting to control the sadist within, and me with my submissive nature trying not to push myself to far with my masochistic tendencies. He told me that there is a reason He is taking things so slow, while I would like to rush in headlong sometimes. I believe that is what makes us so perfect for one another. He is wise to go slow and I should take that to heart as Him protecting me. It is something He promised to do always...protect me...if need be, even from myself.
All in all, we are ever learning each other, pushing the boundaries of "normal" and we are doing it all with patience and love.
Isn't that how it should be?
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