The Birthday And A Few Days Without The Roommate

Last week I turned another turn on the wheel of life...32. For whatever reason the day was filled with food! I ate more in one day than I normally eat in a week. This was due to a surprise visit from my mother in law which ended with a trip out to Golden Corral and the gift of a two pound box of chocolates chuckles.

Later on, our roommate took me out for  a Thai dinner and a pumpkin latte at my favorite coffee shop. The evening ended with Sir scooping up some fresh sushi with which He drew lines on my body with and followed the trail with His mouth, a long session with the Magic Wand, the obligatory birthday spanking smiles and a long soak in a hot bath followed by a lovely pumpkin cheesecake that melted in our mouths.

Our roommate is house sitting for a family member for a few days and Sir has taken full advantage of our time alone.

Last night He had me make two cigarettes(we smoke on the porch), but stopped me before we could go outside with them. He quickly removed my shirt and told me that if I wanted to smoke, I would have to do so topless. Even though it was later in the evening, I still felt a bit of trepidation, but acquiesced. The entire time He playfully brushed and tweaked my nipples, whispering between long drags off of His cigarette that the entire apartment complex could see my lovely breasts. That our neighbor across the way was probably wondering what those little rose buds tasted like . Telling me that  he was watching  and jerking it to the sway of my breasts each time he tweaked them or squeezed. He asked me if I felt exposed. I did, though I know no one can really see me behind the porch blinds. It was a beautiful mind fuck.

After we finished our cigarettes, He  told me to strip down and please His Cock until He told me to stop no cumming.  He said He would then cum all over my face and then force me to orgasm with His hands and the Wand until I screamed for Him to Stop.  I relished the silky smoothness of His cock and the salty taste of his seed. When He came He chuckled and smeared His cum across my lips and my closed eyes...effectively creating a sticky layer across my lids in a blindfold made of  His cum. It didn't take me long to succumb to the vibrations of the Hitachi ...but He kept it in place and buried His fingers deep inside of me. The double stimulation pushed me over the edge. I came again so hard it hurt, soaking Him as much as He had soaked me. I am close to cumming again just thinking about it. The salty cum smearing my face...sealing my eyes...His aggressive fingers scratching the inside of my pussy while torturing my clit with the wand....Yummy.

This morning I saw clothes pins and twine laid out upon the bathroom sink. I'm sure Sir put it there so I would see it. I wonder now how He will place the pins and if He will pull the string of the zipper as I cum? It is a delicious thought.

When the roommate is away, the cats will play!

I can't wait to see what Sir comes up with next.

The Really Real World

I've been cruising through some groups on FB and have found a considerable number of "perfect" subs and "perfect" D/s relationships. How pleasant it must be to have not ever have had to work to get your dynamic and relationship the way you want it and need it to be! Seriously, several uppity subs ganged up on a gentleman who asked how to help his submissive overcome some bad habits caused by years of mental abuse by a family member. Their Dominants stood by and instead of reprimanding their subs for speaking so callously to another Dominant seeking help, forced this Dominant to apologize for offending the very submissives that first insulted both him and his submissive. Calling him an abuser...a fake Dom...etc...All for expressing concern, asking for help and expressing his frustration at being confused as to what to do.

I see this quite often and it aggravates me no end. imagining clothes pinning their tongues to their cheeks

Not one relationship is perfect!  BDSM and D/s dynamics are not cure alls. You cannot blame your Dominant for not being able to fix you. When going into any relationship, you must first know and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to know you and accept you for who you are.

Sir and I have worked incredibly hard to make our marriage, our relationship, our D/s dynamic, work lives and family life all tie in. It still isn't seamless. Yes, I submit to Him. Yes, I allow Him to do all manor of things to me and I enjoy all of them. Does this mean He doesn't annoy me sometimes see sleeping in until well after noon and not changing diapers,  or that I do not annoy Him sometimes see being grumpy every morning and being overly emotional at the smallest things? Of course not! We are ever working on our relationship. We will always be working on it. It's what makes Us, Us. Our beautiful imperfection.

He still does not put forth as much Dominance as I would like Him to, but He is working on it. Between His two part time jobs and trying to balance our lifestyle with the raising of children, I can understand sometimes why He holds back a little. I'm also working on controlling my emotional outbursts and am trying to be more outgoing so that I can find some new friends. Mine have become flaky and unreliable.

Perhaps it is the birthday coming about in the next few days that is making me so emotionally wrecked?  I'm not sure. I do know that I hate the fact that I am growing older. I honestly thought I would never make it past my mid twenties. Well, here I am, sitting on the precipice of 32. Growing older does not make me think of the wisdom that comes with age. It makes me think that I now have allergies to foods I once loved...that I can no longer do the acrobatics I used to do(I was a dancer) and that now I hear my joints cracks every morning. It makes me think of my children growing older and as proud as I will be when they are men (and my one little lady) and have families of their own, it makes me want to stop time and hold them in my arms forever.  

Wow! This post took a considerable down turn didn't it?

One last complaint before I upswing again *chuckles*. I love my short hair for the ease of it, but am really starting to miss the diversity of styles I could do with even my usual angled bob hairstyle I wore for many years. The problem?  Sir loves the short pixie cut on me. I have no idea how to work around that.

All in all, things are going well with us. Life has come to the fore front with work and seeking out a new home and friends. I know it will all even out in the end and perhaps a fresh start in a new place will do all of us wonders! Until then, I will be plodding along, serving my Sir,being a housewife and a Mom.

Love to all!

A Near Miss

I am back. I am here. I am alive. 

Those words are important.

A few short weeks ago I was struck by an extraordinary pain running all along the lower left side of my jaw(which swelled to about the size of a ping pong ball), behind my ear, into my temple. A pain so all consuming it literally knocked me on my ass. I have had infections in a tooth before, but never to the extent of the one that plagued me. I curled into a ball, weeping and retching from that searing pain I could not hide from, while Sir rubbed my back and stood helplessly by. 3 days of no sleep, endless popping of Ibuprofen pills and salt water rinses passed in a blur of RED.  Finally, He ordered me to go to the dentist, no matter the cost, or heeding of my fear of dentists.

Once there, I found the dentist quite pleasant and calm. He went through my tooth xrays and gently told me that he must extract the tooth immediately as the infection was deep into my tooth, in a pocket under the tooth, spreading throughout my jaw bone and was quickly moving precariously close to my blood stream. I asked him what that meant if I waited to have him extract it? He said if I went another week and a half with no treatment, in no uncertain terms, I would be dead. Plain and simple. DEAD. The infection would go into my blood stream to my heart and I would die. So, he set about numbing the entire left side of my face(it took 3 shots of numbers), yanked out the offending tooth in two parts, shaved down a portion of my jaw bone and sent me on my way. Prescriptions for a heavy regime of antibiotics and painkillers in hand and a mouth full of blood and gauze.

Needless to say, there has been little time between healing and getting my home and life back on track for scenes. Though, Sir did sneak in one of the most loving love making sessions we have ever had.

It was about a week after the extraction and Sir orders me to run a warm bath for us. He slides into the tub behind me and proceeds to wash my hair...every single strand delicately cleaned under His expert fingers. He soaps the front of my body just as meticulously and uses the residual soap on His chest to slide against my back slowly, and deliberately. He asks me for nothing. Though His touch cries of His tentative need. He whispers in my ear of how much He loves me. That He will always love me. He tells me He is memorizing every detail of my flesh...smelling every scent...taking His fill of me. Never wanting to be parted. I have never felt more loved...more cared for in all of my life. He breathed the life back into my weary body. In the moment He took His precious body for His pleasure, I felt His love...His aching need for me...His fear that He had almost lost me. I was putty in His hands. Molding myself tightly to His frame and sewing myself neatly into His heart. That is where I belong. Sir and our children are what I live and breath for.

In His arms I am whole. In my arms, our children are whole. Without me, His arms are...EMPTY.

I vowed to look after my health better. I never want to see that look of bewilderment and fear cross Sir's face ever again. He looked so lost.

Never again.

Never again.

Taking Our Time And What Has Been Up In O/our World To Date

Collar made by DerAlbinoArffe on Etsy

Hello to those that still read my musings! I am still here. I simply took some time off of blogging to work out the "kinks" so to speak with Sir, who is still a relatively new Dom who needed to seek out and obtain some advice from more experienced Masters. All is well here. 

At the risk of being deemed one with a Velcro collar, W/we took some time and found a seller of beautiful leather collars that could and did make me a collar that would not cause skin reactions. Those allergies are what has caused me to frequently change collars, as the one Sir first gave me(which I still love in spite of the reaction) wound up giving me an unsightly rash. The above is the simple, yet sturdy collar that now adorns my neck. I love the way it feels. there is such a difference between metal and leather. It feels, to me with the leather, that I always have Sir's hand in a protective gesture around my throat. A feeling I find very comforting...So much so, in fact, that I am loathe to remove it when I am sent to bed.

W/we will be purchasing one of Lady Mockingbird's collars in the near future Yay tax refund! as my final and permanent collar.

Speaking of that lovely little government refund, Sir is also deciding if He wants to get a tattoo sleeve done of all of his favorite horror movies and if He will allow me to finally get the chest piece I have been designing for over a year.  My tiny net book finally got the boot, as the screen was cracked, and Sir went to Rent A Center on a whim to procure me a new one. I am now happily typing on a Sony Vaios laptop. I just had to throw that little tidbit in there. I bounced around joyfully when He came in with it and have been trying to learn every nuance of the Windows 8 operating system ever since.

Things here have slowly been moving into the dynamic that W/we both crave. I now have rules and boundaries set into place. 

Such as: I may not eat until Sir has taken the first bite of His food. When out, I may not order or speak to the wait staff unless it is to say thank you with my eyes lowered. When Sir returns home from work I am to greet Him at the door with a Red Bull(or Rum and Coke if it's Friday) and a fresh cigarette with my head bowed until He kisses the top of my head.

He is still working on some ways to punish me more immediately than once a week for my transgressions(Punishments, not Funishments ;) ). I know on the more severe end will be being forced to sleep on the floor with a thin blanket instead of in bed with Him. On the lighter end will be devil's hot sauce on the tongue if I am mouthy, corner time or taking away my favorite show on TV(Grey's Anatomy, in case you wondered). I am enjoying the structure of it all and how close Sir and I have become on this journey. I know there is still so much to explore and ever still many ways He will surprise me.

Speaking of being surprised, Sir informed me that he brought us out of the kinky closet so to speak, to His mother. Apparently she took it well. He only gave her the bare bones of it all, but she listened quietly and seemed to be taking mental notes. So far only her and a select few friends know of our dynamic. W/we are very discreet. Still, it is nice to know at least one family member either made no, or kept her judgements to herself. I know this post is a bit disjointed. I promise I will be writing again soon, with better formed thoughts and maybe a recount of a sexy scene or two.

Until then,

xoxo bliss- his little lolita<3

The Knife That Cuts And Heals- A Fantasy

My arms are above my head encased in fur lined cuffs. I can hear the chains rattle when I shift, but see only the darkness of the mask covering my eyes. It is warm in the room and I smell burning wax and wonder how it would feel slowly drizzled across my skin.

Your breath on the back of my neck, hot and wet shakes me from my reverie.

"Spread your legs" You say. And I do as I'm told.

I hear Him shift and there is heat just below my cunt between my outstretched legs.

"What you feel," You say as You move from one ear to the other to disorient me, "Is the slow burn of a high tapered, lit candle. Should you sweat, cum or bleed you will hear it sizzle. If any of these are done without my permission, I will let the flame lick your skin. Do you understand?"

"Yes Sir."

For a moment, I think He has left me alone to contemplate how this punishment will play out, until I feel His cool hand snap freezing cold clamps upon my nipples.

"Cold above, hot below," He chuckles, giving my ass a sharp swat.

I enjoy the extremes of both and He knows it.

He bends down and lightly flicks at my clitoris with His tongue as He slides His middle finger inside of me in an almost clinical manner. Not to arouse(though it does), but to check, for what I am not certain, but He gives a grunt of approval none the less.

I am already wet with desire and trying hard not to drip onto the candle.

"I am going to be hard on you tonight, my beautiful whore. It has been far to long since I have tested you. You may not cry out. You may not cum until I tell you that it is My will for you to do so."

I feel the sharp bite of the small leather flogger . The sting is Heaven and I lean into the pain. Harder he swings, changing from flogger to crop and finally to belt and I know my back, legs and ass are red as crimson and likely bruised. I don't mind. I relish the pain. I take it into me as the fiery symbol of His passion for me.

He switches my restraints to the spreader bars and lays me on a table angled down. The candle is still beneath my pussy, waiting to punish me.

I feel something hard and sleek pushing it's way past my moistened nether lips and fight back a gasp.

"I am going to slice open your flesh and sink myself into you. I want your blood on my cock and on my tongue. I want to tear you apart! Kiss the knife with your pussy. Perhaps, the blade will be kind and only scratch instead."

He shoves the hilt of the knife deep into my cunt and I feel myself contract around it. I am shivering in anticipation and close to orgasm and I feel some of the wetness drip down my leg and sizzle into the candle flame and I freeze. I can feel His Sadistic little grin twist His mouth and know I will be punished.

He shoves the knife deeper into my cunt and tells me to hold it there until He retrieves it. I feel the warmth move closer to my inner thigh. I can smell the fine hair burning and squirm under the intense little flame. He laughs, low and deep as He traces the trail of moisture up and up and up, only to switch to the other thigh, repeating the trail just shy of my clit and I realise He is heating the blade every time He passes!

Finally, He holds the candle flame directly underneath my clit, causing a small whimper of fear and pain to escape my lips. He holds it there for what seems like an hour, but it is likely only a few seconds, swoops it upwards until the moisture on my pussy touches the flame and puts it out...leaving hot wax coating me in it's wake. I do not drop the knife.

"Good girl. You took your punishment well."

He removes the knife from my throbbing hole and runs the heated blade down my chest. I shiver and my sore, burned thighs tingle. He runs it back up and lays the blade flat against my right nipple, hard and swollen in the cold clamp and sinks his teeth into my shoulder. I feel the skin break and my spirit beginning to slip from the puncture wounds.

"No. Not yet. I want you here with me. I want you to feel this. I want you to trust this pain. I want to remind you that your skin, bones, blood and soul belong to me. I will eat you raw and you will enjoy it because you are mine!" 

His voice is a disembodied growl.

The blade sinks into my breast, just above the nipple and He drags it slowly. I can feel the blood well up from the wound and I grit my teeth.

"Give in to the pain, love. Let it become your bliss, as you are My bliss."

He locks his mouth over the fresh wound, suckling like a newborn as he makes another, slightly deeper cut into my lower abdomen. The blood begins to trickle down and He runs His finger between the folds of open skin, as though His finger were swirling within my depths, urging me to orgasm. The pain is exquisite. Beautiful and intensely erotic.

He nicks into my inner thighs, using the trickles of blood as lubricant for my clit. I am teetering on the edge of a powerful orgasm as He tosses the blade aside and slices into me with His cock, hot and sharp. Tearing at my soul and claiming it violently.

"Cum with me. Let my seed heal all wounds. Give yourself to me!"

We explode together. The universe sees only one being, no longer two. I am Him. He is me.

Everything is peace.

I am broken and healed all at once as my body cries blood tears into His mouth...onto His prick...gifting His eyes with the savage beauty of it all.

He is my breaker and my healer.

I am Him. He is me.

Now I understand.

The Satisfying Return Of SIR

After several months of fleeting glimpses of my Sir in my husband's eyes, He has suddenly reemerged from the depths of stress and sickness. Much to my delight! In my disdain, I had removed my collar(mainly because the metal got caught on things and my sensitive skin saw fit to create a rash where it lay). Sir still remained submerged at that point and I had no idea of what He was planning in that devious mind of His.

My guess is that He saw my discomfort with my original collar and set about to find me something I could wear all the time without questions from others that was unique and delicate. About a week ago, Sir called me and my whole body lit up as I noticed the subtle change in His voice from Husband to Sir. He ordered me to dress nicely, do my hair and makeup and meet Him at the local bar. There He presented me with first, my favorite drink, and then opened a small purple box within which was a tiny silver chain with a real,  red tea rose encased in lacquer to preserve it forever attached. I squealed in surprise and love as He placed the delicate forever bloom around my throat and explained the reason for His choice.

"I have not been tending to you as diligently as I should. And, as such, I have seen you wilting under the weight of my demands. This is your new collar, to wear always unless it has need of cleaning. It is to symbolize that My love and guidance are always with you and that you are as precious and unique as the rose around your neck. I will make you bloom again. Thank you for your patience with me, my beautiful bliss."

I smiled gently as He wiped away my tears of silent gratitude.

The last few weeks have been filled with those tears...happy tears...tears of fulfillment.

Sir walking in with a bouquet of roses that look like a sunset and a huge teddy bear for when I am lonely(because, let's face it, every sub has a baby girl side and every Dom a Daddy side.), handing me a glass of my favorite wine for no other reason than to see my mouth curve into an appreciative grin. Oh yes, even after 5 years of marriage and 6 years together, He can still make my soul quiver with a glance or the flick of His finger under my chin. Even as He is giving me my task list for the day(Finally!), I am finding myself rushing to things I would normally do my very best to put off until I HAD to them with a hum and a wink.

My whole being is lit up from the inside, like a firefly in a jar. I am feeding on His kindness and His calm Dominance. He does not have to ask; He simply states what He wants and expects it to be done. I missed Him. I missed the ease that washes over me when He takes the world off of my shoulders and I am responsible only for my own actions and His pleasure.

My submission then wells over until there is only Us. My head resting upon His knees as He answers emails on my computer...Feeling His hands idly stroking my hair, or playfully cupping a breast, or challenging me to be silent as His fingers swirl inside of me, hidden in my jeans or the folds of my skirt, while we are watching a movie among friends.

In a few weeks, He is planning what will amount to our second honeymoon at a tacky, cute hotel on the island. He told me to pack His crop, my play collar and my smallest, most revealing lingerie. I wonder what He has in mind? I'll be sure to let you know*wink*.

Until then xoxo,

bliss

Hello Husband! Can I Have Sir Back Now?

Yeah, Sir has been sick with this bronchitis plague for way to long! Unfortunately, when sick, Sir ceases to be Sir and becomes similar to a 4 year old who has been out to long and needs a nap. I have been running myself ragged caring for Him and for our two boys that He passed the illness on to, for well over 3 weeks. I'm worried that by the time He is feeling tip top enough to wield the whip again,at best I will be to exhausted, or at worst, have then come down with the same illness. I love my Sir and I do not mind caring for Him, but when it starts to affect my own health, I worry. Sometimes, I need a break as well. Rest assured, every time I DO get a break, within an hour all I want to do is go home to my Sir and cuddle.

As of right now, I know very well I have gotten away with waaaaaay to much sass. I'm virtually asking for a heavy session...One that pushes me past my limits and makes me sweat, makes me cry, makes me bleed and makes me fly *licks lips and smiles*.

I long for Sir to look at me with His dark stare and tell me to bring the crop to Him in my teeth, instead of watching Him cough and listlessly play video games.

I miss Him. I need Him. I want to feel His hands tearing apart my clothes and pulling on my hair. Taste the sex and blood on His whip.  I want to drown in His discipline and His guidance. 

When?

Soon, I hope.

Until then, I will keep feeding my Husband broth and vitamins until he magically transforms into Sir again.

And We Are Finally Weddinged!

Lordy the last month has been so busy I haven't had time to post about how Sir and I's Wedding Vow Renewal went! First off, my father in law destroyed the area we were going to use for ceremony and reception TWO WEEKS before the wedding. Luckily, he had enclosed part of the property and we ended up cleaning it up as best as we could a few days before. His mother came through on the day of with a bunch of food, so no one would go hungry and we were able to get the electric on so we could have pretty lights and music, though no dance floor since that was on the part of the property that was destroyed(Literally looked like a bomb hit it). So, I'll give you guys the run down of the goods and the bads.

Good:
1. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful.
2. The music was perfect.
3. The cake was awesome(A black and white red velvet cake with a skeletal bride and groom on top)!
4. Cutting the cake with a replica of the butcher knife in the Halloween movies and the looks on our relative's faces when we did that was priceless.
5. The look of pure love and admiration on my Sir's face.
6. The pure love and admiration for Sir I'm sure showed on my face.
7. The friends and family that actually showed up and helped with everything.
8. My son refusing to let me walk down the aisle alone and "giving me away" to Sir.
9. That my Mom showed up.
10. We looked FABULOUS!
11. All of our children were there.
12. Everyone who came had a great time and loved the raspberry mead we made.

Bad:
1. Having to relocate 2 weeks before the ceremony.
2. It was brutally hot and humid!
3. We never got a first dance.
4. The reception got cut short because of rain.
5. Half of the RSVP's didn't show or call.
6. Everything but the ceremony and the cake cutting felt rushed.
7. Sir was sick and has been trying to get over being sick, so we didn't get to play until today when He felt better.
8. Having tractors in the background of most of our pictures because they were not moved as promised.
9. Sir and I barely got to spend any time with each other.
10. The skeletal Groom took a tumble because it was so hot the icing melted a little, but I righted Him.

All in all, not a bad day. There are things I will always cherish about it, like my Sir's look of love and my son walking me down the aisle. But, I'm glad it's all over...pheeeew!


Pictures? But of course!

During the ceremony(Notice the roses on tulle ropes behind us? Yeah, no one had a clue what THOSE represented. Clever, clever us!)

The ring ceremony(Nor did they understand why I wore the lace corset gloves that represented my cuffs)

Our awesome cake

Cupcakes for the kids

My awesome duct tape rose bouquet(yep, I made it myself)

Until next time

xoxo

bliss

The Vow Renewal And What It Means To Us

It has been quite a while since I've had the time or desire to write out my turbulent little thoughts. Much has been going on in the world of this sub. Mostly, I have been prepping for Sir and I's Vow Renewal coming up in two weeks*squeal*. While that has been going on, I battled a horrible, soul deep, pleaseshootmeorgetmecodienenow toothache. With some honey and cinnamon and a heavy dose of colloidal minerals and ibuprofen, the pain finally stopped after a week of pure torture. I swear, a bad toothache is worse than giving birth...and I've done that without drugs 4 times.

Apart from that ordeal, we have been equally hard at work trying to cure our youngest child of the dreaded whooping cough. So far so good. We're finally getting his poor little lungs free of that terrible anomaly. i have also had to say goodbye to several friendships that had long outrun their course. Some none to nicely, but that's the way of things sometimes.

This has left little time for me to catch my precious glimpses of Sir. He's still inside my laid back husband, waiting to jump out every so often to tell me to wear my sexy kitten heels and nothing else while He fucks me so hard it hurts...but in a good way. I'm in dire need of a good, hard spanking...a little fucking discipline..heh, but that won't happen until the stressful times in Vanilla Land have dissipated and I can resume my comfortable roll as gentle submissive.

Getting back to the Vow Renewal....

Sir and I married very quick and dirty in the courthouse 5 years ago due to some trying personal instances and a legal battle that we felt would be helped along if we were legally married. That, unfortunately, left us without what we had actually wanted. The pretty dress and snazzy suit(and boy oh boy does Sir look hot in a suit!); The relaxed Gothic picnic reception in the back yard , the red velvet cake and the dancing, the small group of family and friends. We didn't have any of that. After all of the trials to test our faith and love for one another over the years, we decided it was time to have the wedding we deserved. I honestly think that we have matured enough to really have an understanding of what marriage actually IS. Knowledge we did not have in the beginning that could have saved us a lot of heartache, but has put us in the place we are now.

It is truly a new beginning for us. Not the rough start of young lovers, but the deep commitment of long time lovers to deeply understand the vows they are making to one another for life. I do not believe in the disposable society we have today. The, don't like it, get a new one mentality. In that way, Sir and I are old fashioned and believe if something is broken, you fix it. I'm so glad to have the chance to do this all the right way. And, as much as Sir can drive me mad, I cannot see myself without him in my life...indeed as an integral part of my being. I honestly believe we are soul mates.

Wish us luck and happy times.

Until next time xoxo

bliss

In My Glass Coffin...

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it seems Sir is not really interested in being Sir...not for a while now. We are coming close upon our vow renewal ceremony. Is it that stress that makes his dominant side hide and mine come to the forefront? I have asked if the fault is mine that our lifestyle and sex life has so waned and he says no. That he'll work on it, but I haven't seen any results. I haven't worn my collar in weeks, trying to show my heartache and disdain for the loss of my Sir. I feel out of control. Like I'm drifting around in chilly waters. Like my submissive side is laid to rest like Snow White in her glass coffin, awaiting her master's kiss. Perhaps it is just easier to be vanilla in a decidedly vanilla world. I know Sir can take on and off his dominant role like a jacket in summer, while it is much more challenging for me to shrug off my submissive heart. Usually it makes me rebel and do things I know deserve punishment...lately to no avail. Sir will still want me to do things for him and give me tasks to do for the day, but there are no repercussions if I do not do them, nor any release if I do those tasks exceptionally well.

There is only the every day normalcy of our lives. He goes to work and calls me on his break and when he's coming home for the day. I get up early, care for our sons and clean the house. We end the evening watching a show or a movie and that's it. It has been two lonely months that I have been playing peek-a-boo just to get a glimpse of the Sir in my husband. I'm surprised that it doesn't make me angry, as I usually get angry before I feel sorrow. It's my defense mechanism.

I love him as my husband and father to our children, but I despirately miss my Sir and the structure he gives and how he made a blooming flower out of me when he so chose.

Until next He calls for her, my submissive soul will be waiting...sleeping...longing in her glass coffin.

What is sexiest: Short or Long?

This is a debate that has been going on for so long between women and men alike. It most recently came up for discussion when I chopped my shoulder length hair into a cute, super short pixie. Do I miss my hair? Am I going to grow it back out? Do I feel less feminine...all the way to asking me if I'm a lesbian?(the last one I laughed at as I am very much in love with Sir and have four children, so No, not a lesbian)

The answer to all of these questions is NO.

Take a look at the picture above. There is absolutely no doubt about how feminine and drop dead sexy this woman is. The short locks open up her features and actually make her sexier! The pixie did the same for me(minus the mile long legs on the model...heh heh). From some of the men I talked to, most asked Sir if He missed grabbing hold of my longer hair, to which He replied: "Absolutely NOT." He always said it got in the way and that He hated having to brush my hair out of the way to see my face. I find this amusing and a little ironic as Sir has hair down past His shoulders and I love it on Him.

It just goes to show that it isn't the length of you hair that makes you sexy or determines your sexuality. It's who you are. Did I look good with long hair? Sure! Do I feel more confident and sexy now? Absolutely. It would be the reverse for Sir. He hated it when His hair was cropped short and it showed in His demeanor.

He's not a stereotypical dirty hippy and I'm not a man hating feminist.

I say, to each their own. If you like long hair keep your hair long and vice versa.

What is your take on this age old debate?

How I've Missed You, Sir

"I'm ready. Crawl across the bed to me, girl."

I do this to be greeted with a bruising kiss and a tug on my hair to pull me upright.

"I've missed you, Sir," I say with a shiver.

"Remove your clothes, get on your knees and put you hands against the wall. Do NOT move."

He asks me how many I think I deserve and I falter. It has been so long and I'm certain I've been  very bad. I tell Him this and I'm sure He is smiling when He sets the number at 47 and tells me to count aloud.

Sir alternates between hand, paddle and the leather cat 9, making sunbursts on my ass and thighs.

Around number 28, my hands slip along the wall and Sir growls in displeasure. He then swings the paddle harder than He ever has, making me gasp as a wave of fire consumes me.

Then, suddenly, it stops.

"Bend over, lay your face on the floor and put your ass in the air as high as you can."

I hear Him rustling with something and feel His fingers sliding inside of me, adding to my wetness. The familiar buss of the Hitachi Wand causes a blush, especially when I realize He bought an attachment for it.

My whole body is vibrating and as much as I love this feeling, what I'm really craving is my Sir's cock driving into me in some way. It makes it hard for me to come, so He removes the attachment and turns the wand up full blast. He uses his knee to press it hard against my clit, and uses his hands to pin mine down.

"Do you like it, bliss? Do you like it when I force you to accept pleasure? Do you want me to shatter your self control? I want you to come until you can't move, screaming my name. Knowing that I am the ONLY one who can do this to you and for you!"

And I cum then, struggling in his grasp as wave after wave of pleasure crashes over me. I feel His teeth on the back of my neck, His fingers sliding underneath the wand on my over-sensitive nub and then sliding in and out of me. I know His hand is slapping my already sore ass and that I am screaming....hovering in an orgasmic state that is more than pleasure, cumming so hard and so fast it hurts.

"Break, my love. Let me in," He growls into my ear. "Let your Master fill you up."

Before I know it, I have turned around and am vigorously suckling at my Master's cock. I don't remember the command. Only the intense desire to taste His seed and His skin. He tells me if I do well, I will be rewarded. I feel His legs start to shake and I know He is close.He throws me down and plunges into me. It is that moment that my whole being quakes and I see His strength nursing from my vulnerability. He is the snake coiling into the core of me. Beautiful and deadly. I am the womb cradling, and we are the Universe.

I don't know how long I lay against Him; Him cradling me and me cradling Him within. It seemed to me that I could see Sir behind closed lids, lovingly piecing me back together again. Hands once rough and torturous, now gentle. Voice gentle...a soothing balm.

Finally, I open my tired eyes and whisper,

"I love you, Sir."

Updates and haircuts

I've been a bad little blogger the past few weeks. The cold/flu that struck us all down like a strike in a bowling alley was a major factor. The second has been because of the lack of energy, work day make ups and battling our apartment maintenance about a water heater that lay dead for a week, we have had little time for intimacy, let alone a session.

I am hoping that Sir will have the energy for a session later in the week and can draw the submissive aspects of my nature back into the forefront. I tend to get very dominant in times of stress, especially when Sir is unwell. I definitely need to be put into my proper place *wink, wink; nudge, nudge* Rest assured I will tell you all about it when it finally happens.

On a happy note, I got sick and tired of my shoulder length hair and Sir, I'm sure, tired of hearing me whine about it. So, after a few years of Sir telling me that I would look beautiful with super short, pixie cut hair...I finally did just that! I'm amazed at how much it opens up my facial features, and instead of feeling boyish, it actually lends a very feminine appeal. I should have trusted Him earlier. Also, in caring for 2 small children, only having to spend 5-10 minutes on fixing my hair a day is AWESOME! Sir can't keep His hands off of it, smiling and blushing like a school boy.

I promise I will update soon. Hopefully a nice steamy entry. Wish me luck!

Anais Nin Quote and other musings

A quote that I relate well to when asked how so dominant a woman can call herself a submissive? One I should revisit in my distinctly non submissive moments.

So beautifully said. So artfully felt.

Soon. Soon Sir will make me purr under His careful hands and the graceful stinging rain of flogger and crop.

I know He longs to taste the salt tears of the release only these things...Only He... can give me.

And so we will wait until our bodies heal from weeks of illness.

But it will be soon....and in that knowledge, my heart dances.

Sick Ain't Sexy

FINALLY coming to the end of an evil cold that just wouldn't die. I sound like a 3 pack a day smoker with the hacking cough, but at least I can now breathe freely through my nose again.

I'd love to say that Sir is in tip top shape, but that would be a lie. About as soon as I edged towards feeling slightly better than Oh My God I'm Going To Die- Will I Ever Breathe Again, he caught the same thing that passed throughout this household like wildfire. Missing only our rather fortunate roommate.

What's funny is that when I am sick the whole house seems to fall apart. Sir most times, sees me as extremely capable in an almost Super Woman fashion and I appreciate that most of the time. However, He tends to ignore the fact that I am very vulnerable when sick and winds up not giving me what I really need at those times. As I have been ill for nearly 2 weeks, I finally had to sit him down a few days ago(after getting up with the kids at 7am, who had been crying most of the night because they didn't feel good either, still did laundry, cleaned the house AND made dinner) and tell him all I really needed was to be pampered for at least a day and to get some much needed rest sans children. He felt so bad about neglecting me that now that he is ill with the same thing and fully comprehends what I had to fight through to get out of bed, He won't let me pamper Him.

Frustrating as it is, I'm sitting back and not commenting on him watching all the movies he loves that I find annoying or rolling my eyes when he obsesses about guns and gun laws for now. In my own way, that is pampering Him.

Now, if we can ever get the rivers of ick to stop flowing from our noses, maybe we can get back to the slap and tickle I know we both are missing. It's been a long winter without the sting of crop, hand or flogger because of this and I resent it. Do you hear me nasty cold virus?! I resent you!

Sick Ain't Sexy!

Birthday Parties and Buried Treasure?

(Wish I knew who painted this as it looks suspiciously similar to me...hmmm.)

Life has been rather hectic lately. I have had my now four year old's birthday party to tend to. That was frustrating because zero family members showed up and my roommate's boss decided it would be fun to make him work extra late that evening. Either way, my little guy had a great time watching his favorite show, eating cupcakes and Alfredo pasta, opening gifts and being fussed over. I guess that is all that matters, right?

We got a notice to renew our lease, which could be good or bad. On the one hand, our vow renewal is 2 weeks after our lease is up and if we stay, I won't have the stress of moving on top of the stress of the renewal. On the other hand, if we move we will have an extra room for the boys to sleep in and a room to ourselves. I will roll with it either way it plays out.

As for our vow renewal, we still have to get the rest of the decor together, finish Sir's outfit and the children's outfits, get the decorations into a safe space, reserve chairs and get all of the music together on a permanent play list. Not to mention pricing out food! Sound like a lot? It is. Though it will be worth it in the end. At least I finally got my Mother to confirm that she will be there with my two oldest children, so that I can have all of my children there to share a happy day with me.(My mother took custody of my 2 oldest unfairly 4 years ago. We've been engaged in a battle ever since. Long, heartbreaking story, but at least we manage to be civil and I can still visit with my babies. This is why some think I only have 2 children, instead of 4: 3 sons and 1 daughter.)

Sir and I have been working on my emotional aversions to backdoor loving. I managed to allow Him entry, but couldn't allow Him to actually finish that way. He was very loving about it, as He is trying to change the mental association with anal sex as one of love and not violence. It was my fault for not using my safe word sooner. I still dissolved into a puddle of shivering tears when it was over. Sir just held me tightly to Him, murmuring that He loves me and would never hurt me and that He has faith that I will be able to push past this. I know eventually, I will be okay with it. I may never get pleasure out of it physically, but I will get pleasure out of pleasing Sir. Maybe someday I will see it simply as another way to love Him. 

In the meantime, He had me pick out a plug that I found aesthetically pleasing to wear every so often during sex. I picked a stainless steel one that has a large green jewel at the flare so that even if I couldn't bring myself to allow anal sex, He would at least have something pretty to look at. Kind of like hunting for treasure*chuckles*.

For now, with the unusually cool weather we've been experiencing here today, I'm going to gather up my little ones under a blanket and veg out in front of the T.V.. I think we deserve a lazy day!

The World On My Shoulders

I know this is a blog about BDSM and how it incorporates into our daily life, but i have had to much stress piling on my shoulders this week to get into the sexy stuff. I have to find a new doctor for the kids to get their check ups because the one we had them seeing didn't bother to look at their medical records, to see that my boys are allergic to components used to preserve vaccines and that is why I don't allow them. And, no, my insurance doesn't cover ordering special shots. I also have to get the remainder of the decorations and food on order for our wedding vow renewal celebration, get my almost four year old's birthday party under way for next week, enroll him in speech therapy after I find a decent pediatrician and try not to go nuts in the process.

Sir and I have only had one session in 3 weeks and that is grating on me as well. I took a long walk alone last night,sans my collar...wanting to be completely alone. I thought about all of the stress and my craving for the hot crop against my skin. The masochist in me wants so much more. My fragile heart needs to be caressed and guided into peace. I know my Sir is only human and he does forget that no matter how tough my exterior is, I do get hurt deeply very easily. Last night was one of those times. I got ready, did hair and makeup and was getting ready to get into the chosen out fit for scene, when suddenly Sir said he was nixing tonight. He just wasn't feeling it. I know it sounds trite that my feelings were hurt, but I felt like my time was wasted and I was being rejected...one of the hardest things for this little submissive to deal with.

So, I took a breath, took off my collar and went for a walk. I wound up sitting by the man made lake in our apartment complex watching the happy little otter that resides there swim joyfully along until I felt better.

Sir, noticing that I've been feeling out of sorts the past few weeks and that he's been acting a bit to aloof with me lately, wrote me a short note and sent me a song explaining how much he loved and appreciated me. I spoke with Him this morning and he explained that during sessions He wants to give me His all and when He doesn't feel that He can do that he would rather call it off for the night than give me a half assed attempt. Half assed attempts at connection are so much less than I deserve. I said that I seem to write so much better than I can express vocally what I need and sometimes I feel that He can slip His Dominant role on and off as easily as a pair of shoes...but I can't do that. Since we embarked upon this lifestyle last year and my submissiveness was awakened, I cannot fold it neatly away whenever I want to.  I have never felt more naked than when I removed my collar. I realized that I am more Me with it, than without it and appreciate that Sir took the time to explain to me that he doesn't want to do anything half way with me, and will work on his occasional ambivalence as I work on not being so sensitive about silly things.

These are just the bumps in the road of our daily life. Thanks for reading my ramblings and I promise, sometime soon, I will get back to the sexy stuff*wink*.

Until then...xoxo Bliss

Predicaments?

I find myself being a little obstinate with Sir lately. I know my role as a submissive is to roll with his choices of what, when and where he wants to do things, but for a few weeks now it really has been all about him...with very little playtime or sex. I understand everyone getting over the horrible stomach bug that flew around my house last week. I understand His excitement over the purchase and use of his new firearm. But, sometimes, maybe selfishly, I want that excitement and hunger to be directed at me. Maybe it's because I don't feel new anymore. Perhaps I need my boundaries pushed further and for Him not to be so lax in my discipline?

Sir has said that since we've missed our last 2 planned sessions, we will be switching to tonight for playtime. So, maybe my worry and aggravation is for naught. Still, it is better for me to voice my concerns with him than to remain silent and let them fester into resentments. Maybe I need to look within as well and find out why I'm having a harder time letting go of control lately and meditate on being a gentle stream instead of a turbulent sea?

On brighter notes, my permanent day collar came in and it is perfect! I also managed to make everyone smile on Valentine's Day with various creative gifts including a bacon rose bouquet and a heart shaped meatloaf.

Our wedding vow renewal is just around the corner now and I'm getting that butterfly in the stomach feeling hoping everything goes off with few problems.

Wish us luck. Wish us love. Wish us hot sex and the marks to prove it.

Until next time...xoxo Bliss

Illness, Guns and Valentine's

This week has been fraught with a nasty, nasty stomach bug that made it all the way around to everyone in the house, less my 4 year old, with poor Sir being the last to fall. Needless to say, it hasn't been a sexy week. Instead of our usual Wednesday antics, we will be spending today curled around each other recovering from sore stomachs, fevers and headaches.

There were, between our household members dropping like flies, some fun times. Sir got his tax return in and we wound up purchasing some firearms for shooting at the range and home protection. Sir got one that looks like the gun Rick uses in The Walking Dead, called a Taurus Tracker Revolver and I have for myself a little PT22 that despite it's small size can still pack a punch if I ever need it to. It is rare that I blow a lot of money on a purchase, but when the 22 was placed into my palm it felt like it belonged there. I know I sound like a bonafide gun nut, but I'm really not. I do, however know how to shoot and enjoy a weapon that fits my small hands exceptionally well. The pistol is considerably easier than throwing a knife and much more effective as well(my father is a knife maker and taught me how to throw them...little known fact...lol).

So, I'm guessing this could be seen as our "Valentine" gifts to one another, if we celebrated that manufactured holiday. It was Sir's way of ensuring our children's and my protection even when he cannot be here. What could be more loving than that*chuckles*?

Or, if you wanted to see things more conventionally(who are we kidding here?), my Valentine gift would not be the gun, but my beautiful collar that should be on its way today:

Either way I am excited and I know things will be mighty interesting  when Sir and I have fully made our way back from Stomach Flu Purgatory.

Until then...xoxo Bliss

Chaos For The Fly And Other Ramblings

We recently had our first hard session with the new crop. During the session I was fine. The intensity of the crop's sting brought me into a different space than I am used to. It was a much harder energy pull between us than it is usually, which consequently brought me to a mind blowing orgasm.  Usually, I come out of a session tired but relaxed and in need of some gentle cuddle time.  I think this last session was my first real experience with sub drop.  Afterwards I found myself exhausted, but instead of cuddling with Sir, I desperately wanted to be alone. The sense of exhaustion lasted several days along with an awkwardness within that left me questioning myself and my enjoyment of BDSM. I struggled with thoughts that I was pretty twisted to become aroused when I was in pain...and was I really as strong of a person as I thought if I could allow my significant other...my beloved Sir to have such control over me? 

This did subside further into the week, as Sir decided we needed some fun outside of playtime to open up a bit and to help me out of my funk.  Naturally *chuckles*, this involved some funny movies and a healthy amount of alcohol. We joked about our activities; About how absurdly fulfilling it is and about how as individuals and as a couple we have never fit into a "normal" mold, so why should we start trying now? We talked about each others fantasies and how we could bring those to fruition. We talked about how far we wanted to go in terms of the power dynamic of a D/s relationship and about the advice and progress on my research into healing my psychological block against anal sex. It was an easy night and fun to watch each other open up more and more of themselves. Him with his natural Dominant nature fighting to control the sadist within, and me with my submissive nature trying not to push myself to far with my masochistic tendencies. He told me that there is a reason He is taking things so slow, while I would like to rush in headlong sometimes. I believe that is what makes us so perfect for one another. He is wise to go slow and I should take that to heart as Him protecting me. It is something He promised to do always...protect me...if need be, even from myself.

All in all, we are ever learning each other, pushing the boundaries of "normal" and we are doing it all with patience and love.

Isn't that how it should be?

Breaking The Chains Of Fear

Sir and I were discussing my hard limits a few nights ago. He wanted to see if some of them could be put into the category of a soft limit, as He wanted to ensure that He did push me to go further, but not in a way that would cause deep emotional and certainly not physical damage to me.

In example, and the one most discussed, is anal sex. Sir has asked me to do some extensive research on how to handle my phobia of it, and how He can proceed with easing me into gentle play without triggering a traumatic reaction. He also told me to take as much time as I needed to and more.  That this particular sexual act would be placed completely in my control, forever if need be. And, if I never came to be comfortable with it, that was okay too.

For this phobia to be understood, I must give you some past history here.

When I was about 18 and a half an old boyfriend, one I had remained friends with, showed up at my door to hang out one day. Little did I know that his intention was to win me back...At all costs. To make a long and painful story short, he brutally raped me anally and vaginally. Yes, I put him in jail for it and physically recovered(he tore me badly), but have had a serious mental block on even the mention of my back door ever since.

Don't get me wrong, while anal sex is pleasurable for Sir, this is not his main agenda. He has helped me through my night terrors and sexual inhibitions and I am more comfortable with him than any other man I have ever known. He wants to help me to heal this final part of a violent, non consensual sexual past. He wants me to know that with Him, nothing bad will ever happen to me and that he will never push me into doing something I am not ready for.  He also wants me to feel triumphant in my ability to conquer my fears. I love Him so much for that. He doesn't care if it takes me years to be comfortable with it, if not enjoy it with him(which I know is what He would really like). For now, He is only asking me to chip away at the aversion and find that place of peace that comes from alleviating your fears.

It has never been the physical act of anal sex that bothered me, I know physically I can do it.  It's that mental association with terror and violence that caused me to become a ball of sobs when we tried to venture there a few years ago.  I would say it hurt me more to see the look of horror on his face to watch me cringe away from him in tears, than the sex act itself. I hated reacting in that way to a man I love and trust immensely. Perhaps that is part of it as well.  Sir and I have talked about it since then, but I always fear having that same reaction and seeing Sir heartbroken because he thinks he hurt me.  In truth, he didn't hurt me and it is not his fault. I know he knows this now and I'm willing to do the research. Perhaps within this year I will try small things to slowly change the emotional association with anal to an act of love and pleasure rather than one of fear and pain.

I will try this, not just for Sir, but for MYSELF.

Needing Relief

It has been a rather challenging week for us. Sir has been stressed at work and all he wants to do when he comes home is chill out in front of his PS3. I admit that I have not made this easy. With the stress of 2 little boys bouncing around, demanding attention(positive and negative) and bouts of insomnia I haven't been the best of submissives. Realizing my whiny behavior, last night I sat at Sir's feet and laid my head on his knees and just let him be. He stroked my hair and told me that, no matter what, he appreciates all that I do for him and the children and sometimes forgets that I need a break as well. I let his acknowledgment soak into my heart for a moment and smiled.  It is tiny specs of time like this when he says the exact right thing at the exact right moment that allow me to remember why I not only married this man, but chose to give Him my submission.  We aren't a perfect couple by any means, but sometimes...Sometimes we come close.

Hopefully, tonight will be one where I can let the whip overtake the stress of the week and collapse into my Sir's steady arms.

The relief I have sought, found and sated.

Frazzled Not Bedazzled

Well, the weekend was as much a blur as the week has been and my energy is at a low. I am trying very hard to have sympathy for Sir's late night, but when I run on less than 5 hours of sleep most nights and still get up, change every diaper, clean every mess and soothe every temper while he sleeps in, it makes it difficult. I am certain that a few choice words will be flying uncontrolled out of my mouth before the end of the day.

I made my usual trip out to see my two oldest children this past Saturday, leaving our youngest little boy at home with Sir. Sir ends up calling me up about once every hour and a half, bored out of his mind, telling me how much he misses me. It was very sweet and I appreciate that he misses me when I'm gone. What aggravated me was that he was also telling me how he was itching to get me naked, only to find that when I got home he had already scratched the itch himself.  No love for Bliss this weekend*pout*.

We purchased a new crop and play collar for me last week that have yet to be used. Yes, I know I'm whining. I've just felt a little less than appreciated the past few days.  It's not easy wearing my sub hat sometimes.

So, cross your fingers for me that I don't become bratty just to gleen some attention and some help.

Because right now, as my children run around yelling, I haven't had more than a sip of coffee and my dear Sir is intent upon sleeping until he goes to work, I'm just not feeling this Mommy/Housewife shit.

Our Contract

This our contract. How you make your own is completely up to the two(or more) of you. This contract is revisable at any time we see fit and there will be no negative repercusions if either party wishes to terminate the agreement.






I, Bliss, do of my own free will grant my submission to my Dominant, Sir.
I entrust to Him the full use of my body and the care of my physical and emotional well being within the limits outlined here in.
I promise to be completely honest with Him at all times and to give input when asked for it.
I promise to serve Him to the best of my ability and allow Him to guide me and to teach me through loving discipline if need be.
I promise to trust Him and love Him monogamously always as His submissive lover, His wife and His friend.



I, Sir, do of my own free will grant my guidance and Dominance to my submissive, Bliss.
I promise to guide and protect her to the best of my ability at all times and to never go beyond her hard limits.
I promise to be completely honest with her at all times and to ask for input when necessary.
I promise to push her limits in a safe, sane and consensual fashion and to always give her a safe word and signal.
I also promise to cease all activity if the safe word or signal is used immediately.
I promise to trust in her devotion to me and to love her monogamously always as her Dominant lover, her husband and her friend.



Rules
1. Set aside time every Wednesday evening to enjoy each other's company, regardless of which activities we choose to engage in.
2. submissive will accept all tasks given her without complaint and complete them to the best of her ability.
3. Dominant will assess the needs of his submissive and will take her feelings into account in all things.
4. Raising and caring for their children will be an equal task shared by both Dominant and submissive as equals.
5. Should either Dominant or submissive feel that any agreement or task is unacceptable or unfair, they will speak honestly with one another and revise this agreement, modify the task or terminate this contract without fear of discord within their marriage.
6. No punishment will be administered in moments of anger.
7. All discussions will be open and honest at all times and respect will be shown to both parties as equals during said discussions.
8. All financial decisions will be made as an equal couple, though the final say will always be made by Sir.



Dominant Hard Limits
1. SCAT
2. Golden Showers
3. Anything inserted into any orifice
4. No face hitting
5. Incest play or anything involving children what so ever
6. Bestiality
7. Humiliation



Dominant Soft Limits
1. Blood letting
2. Needle play



submissive Hard Limits
1. SCAT
2. Toilet play of any kind
3. Incest play or anything involving children
4. Bestiality
5. Being caged(triggers claustrophobia and PTSD)
6. Anal sex
7. Extreme Humiliation
8. Extreme Nipple Torture



submissive Soft Limits
1. Fire play
2. Blood letting



All this we do promise to each other in good faith, love and trust.



Signature of Dominant

_________________________________________


Signature of submissive

________________________________________

To Be Owned- a submissive or a slave?

A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her/him. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is incumbent upon her/him to obey.

I got into an interesting discussion with Sir the other day and thought I would record my thoughts on it here.

He seems to have an aversion to the word "ownership". Not because we are not completely loyal and monogamous to each other, but because he worries that it will make him seem overly jealous and possessive to tell others that he owns me. This is part of the reason I do not have a locking collar.

I am striving today to explain to Sir the difference between a loving submissive and a consensual slave.

I am a submissive. I choose to give Him control over my body, my heart and portions of my life as agreed upon and within the limits of our contract. If at any time I see anything as unfair, we will sit down and go over it together and make a decision from there. I have the choice to say no without rendering our relationship irrevocably broken and our contract void. 

CHOICE. That is the key word with us. That is something a submissive has that a slave does not. It takes an amazing amount of inner strength to serve completely without limits, so I'm not insulting those that consider themselves slaves. I do, however like my small freedoms to do and say as I please and act as an equal to my Sir, especially in areas of child rearing. That is my comfort zone.

How do I help him to see that ownership is not a dirty word that takes away all of my rights and stops me from being anything but a servant and not a person, which is what Sir fears it is?

How do I help him to know that he took ownership of me legally when he married me and that to me, that word means I am protected and forever encircled in his love and loyalty?  Whether or not we symbolize that devotion through a ring around my finger or a locked collar around my neck? That there is nothing sweeter to me than to be hanging out somewhere and have him point me out to whomever he's speaking with and say, "She's mine. Isn't she beautiful?"

Is not the statement above a loving claim of ownership? Should I point this out to him or let him simply omit the term and use another word that means the same thing but is more comfortable for him?

Either way it goes, I am His always as his wife, his submissive, lover and friend. Even if he cannot say it directly, I am owned.

Punishment For My Transgressions

"Pull up your skirt and put your hands flat against the wall," said Sir.
I am in the dark space allowed to me by the silky blindfold across my eyes, shivering with anticipation.
I feel his hands wandering languidly over my round bottom, my back and my neck before he forcefully pulls my slinky dress over my head.
He runs the sharp blade in the same path his hands had taken. Stopping just short of my moistening slit. I hear him put the knife down and pick up something else.
"Have you been a good girl this week?" He asks smoothly.
"No Sir," I say with a tremble.
"I can't hear you!" Whack! I feel the sharp stinging rain of the flogger across my back.
"Where. You. A. Good. Girl?" Each word accentuated with a hard snap of leather to my skin.
"No, Sir!" I cry.
"I am going to punish you for your bad behavior. You will count every paddle aloud and should you lose count...Well, I guess we'll just have to start from the beginning then. Won't we, sweet?
Before I can answer there comes the first familiar smack of the paddle, hard across my backside.
"One!"
There is a series of strikes alternating paddle and hand, each more forceful than the last. Twenty-three in all.
I do not lose count, but by the end I can feel the force of the blows throughout my whole body, as unconsciously my body leans in hungrily for more.
The twenty-fourth blow is unexpected as I am trying to catch my breath.
"That was for not thanking me for your discipline," He says. I can hear the grin in his voice and I smile in turn.
"Thank you, Sir for correcting my behavior."
"You're welcome, my love. Now kneel."
He takes my nipples into a hard pinch and I squeal as he pulls on them and rolls the nubs between his fingers, nearly orgasming. I've always had extremely sensitive nipples.
"Ah, you like this, don't you?"
"Yes," I moan.
His hand at my throat snaps my head back against him.
"Yes, what?" he growls.
"Yes! Yes, I like this Sir!"
"Good girl." He pushes me forward so I am laying with my face to the floor, knees propping my ass high into the air, and places the Magic Wand in my hand.
"Turn it on, place it against your clit and don't turn it off until I say."
I do as he asks and feel the first ripple of orgasm within a few moments. He reaches around and turns the vibe up higher. He has one hand around my throat possessively and uses the other to push his length into my wetness.
"This body is mine! *SMACK* This heart is mine! *SMACK* Your orgasms belong to me! *WHACK* You Belong To Me!" he growls as he grinds in and out of me relentlessly.
I am on the verge. I am flying.
"Who are you?" he demands.
"I...I am yours, Sir! I am YOURS!" I stutter in a half sob, half moan.
"Cum for me. Cum with me...NOW."
I am shattering in his hands. My whole body is shaking as I release a river of love all around us. I think I am crying. I'm sure I am laughing. I don't know how long I lay there shivering in his arms afterwards. His hands once rough, now gently brushing over my face and smoothing my hair.
All I know is that in this moment, in this time there is no one I would rather be loved by than my Sir.
Oh, how I love our Wednesday nights.

Until next time...xoxo
Bliss